Summary of the Twins' Off-Season... in Latin

With all players reporting to the Twins' Spring Training camp tomorrow, it is about time to discuss my feelings about the Twins' off-season.  I do understand that there has been a lot of discussion on it, with pros and cons mentioned and moves analyzed and criticized;  however, nothing has been written in Latin.

So there is my summary of the Twins' off-season, in Latin:

Post annus horribilis, ad meliora a falsis principiis proficisci, a bene placito arduus ad solem, ab absurdo emi emeritus aetat astra per alas porci ad hominem ad valorem. Aut vincere aut mori; ave atque vale.

Actus me invito factus non est meus actus; acta est fabula plaudite; alea iacta est. Amicus Terry, sed magis amica veritas. Asinus asinum fricat, caetera desunt.
 
Ave Imperator, morituri te salutant. Illegitimi non carborundum. Carpe vinum. Cras es Noster. Faber est suae quisque fortunae.

Twins announce the 2013 promotions (and they are good)

The Minnesota Twins have announced the 2013 promotional give aways, and the quality and quantity seems to have increased.  Maybe they hope to get people in the ballpark this way.  Here is the list:

April 1, 3 and 4:  Twins magnet schedule presented by Country Hearth
April 12, 13 and 14: Twins poster schedule presented by the Star Tribune
April 15:  Diversity Day T-shirt presented by the Prairie Island Indian Community
April 16 and 17:  Twins drawstring bag presented by MLB Network
April 22:  Twins rain gauge presented by Pentair
April 25:  Glen Perkins fishing lure presented by 96.3 K-TWIN
April 27:  Twins cowboy hat presented by WE Fest
April 28:  Josh Willingham Silver Slugger bat presented by Sports Authority
May 10:  Josh Willing“hammer” bobblehead presented by U.S. Bank
May 11:  Twins cap presented by DQ
May 12:  Women's sun hat presented by Pepsi
May 14:  Twins fleece blanket presented by Delta Air Lines
May 18:  LED energy efficient light bulb presented by Xcel Energy
May 30: 1948 St. Paul Saints pennant
June 2:  Josh Willingham kid’s jersey presented by U.S. Bank
June 14:  Eddie Guardado and Tom Mee HOF collector’s pins presented by Fisher Nuts
June 16: Twins BBQ spatula
July 19:  Mauer/Morneau double bobble
August 3: Twins cap presented by DQ
Aug. 16: Aviator sunglasses and shell necklaces presented by The Beaches of Fort Myers and Sanibel on Lee County Day
August 17 and 18: Back to  school items presented by Target
Sept. 13: Twins blaze orange camouflage cap presented by Pepsi (), to-be-announced
Sept. 27 and 28: Fan Appreciation Weekend items
Sept. 29: Kids Appreciation Day item